Hello, I'm Dr. Tyler, and I have the solutions to your relationship issues

I got another Facebook message this weekend from someone who read my marriage article in the April 2010 Ensign. That was two years ago! But yes, this is at least the second time someone has contacted me on Facebook about it. This time, the man asked for advice on whether or not he should propose since his girlfriend is thinking of serving a mission for the Church. I basically told him that I am in no position to offer advice but that in our situation I wanted to be on the same page as my girlfriend (now my lovely wife Karen) before proposing. I hope my message inspires him in some way. I’d hate to give him advice that ruins their relationship. Yikes.

Contacts and marriage: the natural progression of conversation

Remember that guy? He was in Janice’s office again this afternoon when I went in to check my homework problems.

HIM: Contacts today, huh?

ME: Yeah, I wear contacts every other day. Glasses one day, contacts the next.

HIM: I’ll wear contacts when I get more than five hours of sleep at night.

ME: You don’t wear contacts ever?

HIM: Well I would. And I guess I will now since I’m not dating the same girl anymore.

ME: So you just got out of a bad relationship?

HIM: It wasn’t really bad. It just wasn’t going where I wanted it to go.

ME: Oh....You know, that’s the miracle of life. When two people come together and want to marry each other at the same time.

HIM: Yes.

JANICE: Yes.

ME: I used to think, “How is that ever going to happen to me? How am I ever going to find someone who wants to marry me at the same time I want to marry her.”

HIM: Yep.

ME: But it happens.

HIM: Yes it does.

I thought afterward that maybe I should have suggested he read my article about marriage from the April 2010 Ensign...but then I immediately remembered my arrogance. So then I remembered there are some great articles in there written by other people. Maybe I’ll have occasion to mention it sometime. I wonder if that’s the kind of situation he’s in.

Context is king

I enjoyed the lessons and talks during church yesterday, but I realized—as I often do in a new ward—that not having a calling (a church responsibility) makes the church block pass more slowly. There’s no context for what is happening, and it’s more like we are visitors from out of town than members of the ward.

With a calling, in contrast, announcements and doctrine and basically everything hold relevance and keep my interest. If I am a ward missionary, for instance, my ears perk up when I hear about missionary work or missionary opportunities or how to be a better missionary. When I was the executive secretary, as well, I looked at my brothers and sisters in terms of their church records, their relationship to the bishop, and what they might need from me and how I could help.

Context, in a sense, is king, and context derives from relationships, which are defined, in part, by callings (in terms of the Church, for me). Here's to getting one in the relatively near future.

The Trolley

Wally wore a purple shirt and set out in a trolley
While Holly wore an orange coat to match her best friend Molly.
If Wally had matched Molly too by wearing too his orange shoes
And Holly had been more proactive to look a little more attractive,
Would Molly too have joined the trolley and taken it downtown
Or would this Wally marry Holly to put this Molly down?